Myths
Table of Contents
- It was only a momentary loss of temper/a one off
- Victims of domestic abuse don't seriously get hurt
- Domestic Abuse only happens on council estates
- Domestic Abuse is only perpetrated by strong men against weak women
- It's alcohol that makes men violent
- Abused women must have done something to deserve it
- Abusers were abused themselves
- If children don't see the violence they're ok
- Men can't be victims of domestic abuse
It was only a momentary loss of temper/a one off
Domestic abuse is rarely a one off incident. It usually recurs over a period of time, often getting progressively worse.
Victims of domestic abuse don't seriously get hurt
Domestic abuse is a serious crime. At its extreme it can result in murder. More women are killed by their current or former partner, than by a stranger. Even if the incident does not involve physical violence, there are huge emotional problems that can have a lasting impact for many years.
Domestic Abuse only happens on council estates
There are no social barriers with domestic abuse. Victims of domestic abuse come from all social and economic backgrounds. However, statistics show that domestic abuse is underreported amongst victims from a more affluent or professional background.
Domestic Abuse is only perpetrated by strong men against weak women
Domestic abuse can happen between any current or former intimate relationship where there is an imbalance of power, and/or where one wishes to exercise control over the other.
It's alcohol that makes men violent
Alcohol and drugs can be a contributing factor to domestic abuse, but is not the cause of it. By blaming alcohol, the abuser is making an excuse for the actions and not taking responsibility; those caught drink driving are held accountable for their actions. Many who do not drink still abuse.
Abused women must have done something to deserve it
No one deserves to be abused, especially by someone they are, or have been, close to. Provocation of such violence can be merely in the form of not having dinner ready when requested. Those women who resist the violence often find that their injuries are more severe, however submission should not be seen to their consent to the violence.
Abusers were abused themselves
Whilst some abusers may come from an abusive background, there is no conclusive evidence to show that those who abuse were abused themselves, or that those who witness domestic violence go onto abuse in the future.
If children don't see the violence they're ok
90% of children are in the next room when the violence is going on. Even if they do not directly witness the violence they can still be affected. Please see the section under 'Information for Victims of Domestic Abuse' relating to children.
Men can't be victims of domestic abuse
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of their gender. Nationally, figures indicate that 1 in 6 men will suffer domestic abuse at some point in their lifetime.
There are both similarities and differences for male and female victims of domestic abuse. Being abused by somebody you love and trust can be confusing and bewildering, and you may wonder if it is your fault. The emotions you feel are going to be similar whether you are male or female, however it can be harder for men to cope with the emotional impact of domestic abuse.
Admitting to being abused is difficult for anybody, but men often don't have the social networks in place to easily tell a friend or family member.
Any victim of domestic abuse must remember that: you are not alone, it is not your fault, help is available.
Men have exactly the same rights as women to be safe in their own homes. All statutory services the police, Crown Prosecution Service, housing departments and social services have a duty to provide services to all, whatever their gender.
Men are protected by exactly the same laws as women - anyone who has assaulted another person, regardless of the gender of either, can be prosecuted.
If you are a man experiencing domestic violence and you need emergency help you can call the police on 999.
If you don't find the right help immediately, it's important that you keep looking until you find someone who can support you at this difficult time. It does not make you weak to ask for help. For further support, for male victims, please see the Practitioners Guide - link to document.
