Myths

Table of Contents

• It was only a momentary loss of temper/a one off
• Leaving an abusive relationship is easy
• Victims of domestic abuse don't seriously get hurt
• Domestic Abuse only happens on council estates
• Domestic Abuse is only perpetrated by strong men against weak women
• It's alcohol that makes men violent
• Abused women must have done something to deserve it
• Abusers were abused themselves
• If children don't see the violence they're ok

It was only a momentary loss of temper/a one off

Domestic abuseis rarely a one off incident. It usually recurs over a period of time, often getting progressively worse.

Leaving an abusive relationship is easy

Many victims of domestic abuse find it very difficult to leave the abusive relationship. This can be for a number of reasons:

• They may be fearful of further violence, either by staying or leaving.
• Violence often continues long after the relationship has ended. Leaving the relationship can be the most dangerous time.
• They may lack knowledge of the services available to them, or where to go for help. Even if they are aware of the services, they may face barriers accessing them, for example language and cultural barriers.
• The victim may be financially dependent on the abuser.
• The victim may not wish to deprive the children of the other parent.
• Emotionally, the victim may still love the abuser, and may stay in the hope that they will change.
• They may lack the confidence to leave.
• There may be cultural issues involved; for example their culture may believe divorce/leaving is wrong, or different cultures may have different ideas about what abuse is.

Victims of domestic abuse don't seriously get hurt

Domestic abuse is a serious crime. At its extreme it can result in murder. More women are killed by their current or former partner, than by a stranger. Even if the incident does not involve physical violence, there are huge emotional problems that can have a lasting impact for many years.

Domestic Abuse only happens on council estates

There are no social barriers with domestic abuse. Victims of domestic abuse come from all social and economic backgrounds. However, statistics show that domestic abuse is underreported amongst victims from a more affluent or professional background.

Domestic Abuse is only perpetrated by strong men against weak women

Domestic abuse can happen between any current or former intimate relationship where there is an imbalance of power, and/or where one wishes to exercise control over the other.

It's alcohol that makes men violent

Alcohol and drugs can be a contributing factor to domestic abuse, but is not the cause of it. By blaming alcohol, the abuser is making an excuse for the actions and not taking responsibility; those caught drink driving are held accountable for their actions. Many who do not drink still abuse.

Abused women must have done something to deserve it

No one deserves to be abused, especially by someone they are, or have been, close to. Provocation of such violence can be merely in the form of not having dinner ready when requested. Those women who resist the violence often find that their injuries are more severe, however submission should not be seen to their consent to the violence.

Abusers were abused themselves

Whilst some abusers may come from an abusive background, there is no conclusive evidence to show that those who abuse were abused themselves, or that those who witness domestic violence go onto abuse in the future.

If children don't see the violence they're ok

90% of children are in the next room when the violence is going on. Even if they do not directly witness the violence they can still be affected. Please see the section under 'Information for Victims of Domestic Abuse' relating to children