Safety Planning

Leaving an abusive and/or violent relationship is not easy and there are a number of reasons as to why someone may stay, including: financial issues, fear of the abuser, lack of knowledge of services and other available support, thinking that no one will believe you, not being able to summon help. Many who do leave, often return, again for a number of reasons for example, children missing their home/the abusive parent. Leaving an abusive relationship does not always mean that the abuse will end. It is often a very dangerous time and women tend to be more at risk when leaving.

So whether you are in a violent or abusive relationship, are thinking of leaving, or have left, there are places you can turn to for help, and things you can do to help keep yourself (and your children) safe:

• In an emergency, call 999.
• Tell someone you trust about what is happening, and think about seting up a code word that you can use with them in an emergency to get help or escape.
• Think about how you will leave the home safely in an emergency.
• Arrange a safe place to go, like a friend or family member, or a refuge.
• If you think your partner is about to become violent, get to a safer room where there are no weapons (not the kitchen, for example) and where you cannot be easily trapped (not the bathroom). Try to get into a room where you have access to a phone.
• Teach your children how and when to call 999 and what to say - including their full name, address and telephone number, and that they need the police.
• Prepare a bag in case you have to leave in a hurry, including spare keys to your house and car, a change of clothes, important documents like deeds to the house, birth certificates, bank details and passports, your driving license, any prescribed medication, or your children's favourite toy. Leave the bag in a safe place where it won't be found; it might be better to leave it with a friend or family member.
• Keep money and your phone with you including some money for a bus or a taxi, and your mobile phone (always try to keep fully charged), on you all the time, or find out where the nearest public phone is.
• Keep a list of emergency contacts including your GP, your children's school and your solicitor and social worker if you have one.
• Keep copies of any evidence of abuse, for example police reports, threatening letters, pictures of any damage to you or your property etc.
• Try to save some money for example by putting away a little bit every week.
• If you have been physically injured, go to the hospital emergency department.

If you are planning to leave, you may want to think about some of the following things. Thinking about and planning to leave can take a long time. Even if you have a plan to leave, you do not have to use it immediately, or at all. However, if you do decide to leave, having a plan can mean that you have thought about and planned to overcome possibly difficulties:

• Try to leave at a time when you know your partner will not be home.
• Think about where you will go and how you will get there - will you drive, take a bus? Make sure you have enough money to pay the fare.
• If you are planning to take your children with you, think about telling the school. Will you pick them up at the end of the day? You can ask the school to make a list of people who can pick up your children, and not let them leave with anyone who isn't on the list.
• Take what you will need with you, including your emergency bag. You may not be able to return home for some time.

If you have left, of your abuser has moved out, you may want to do some of the following things:

• If you or your family are in immediate danger, call emergency services on 999.
• Tell someone that you trust what is going on.
• Ask your neighbours to look out for your ex-partner, and let you know if they see them near your house.
• Try not to be isolated when travelling your usual routes, think about altering your routes and times you travel.
• Try not to use any places you used before you left
• Set up a separate bank account and only use the cards from this account. If you use a joint account and your ex-partner receives the statements, they may be able to track you.
• You could also replace your mobile phone
• Make sure your home is safe, your local Domestic Abuse Unit may be able to help you with this.
• Talk to your children's school. Make sure they know who can pick up the children.
• Think about whether you could tell your employer. At least mention that they should not give out your personal details to anyone or let your ex-partner in to see you.
• Tell your local police station that you are concerned about your ex-partner and if you have any injunction against him, leave a copy with the police.
• Arrange with a friend or family member that, if you do not feel safe going home, you can stay with them.